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We live in a time when résumés are crowded with accolades, LinkedIn profiles boast endless accomplishments, and self-promotion often feels like a prerequisite to success. But beneath this veneer of outward achievements, The Road to Character by David Brooks challenges us to think about what truly matters—not what we accomplish for the world to see, but who we become on the inside. In an era obsessed with "résumé virtues," Brooks invites us to explore "eulogy virtues"—the qualities people will remember us by at our funeral. These are the kind of character traits that aren't simply built but are forged through struggle, humility, and compassion.

This book is a powerful nudge back to the basics of what makes us truly human. It resonated with me deeply, particularly Brooks' fifteen-point Humility Code, which I believe offers a valuable compass for navigating the internal journey of character building. I want to dive deeper into what makes this book worth picking up and why it left me feeling inspired to be better—not in my career, but in my heart.

What Brooks Gets Right About Character

David Brooks isn’t trying to sell us a shortcut to success—he’s guiding us on a much longer and more winding path. Brooks uses historical and cultural figures as examples, from Saint Augustine to Dwight Eisenhower, to demonstrate that true character is something you grow into. For instance, he describes how Saint Augustine's journey from a life of indulgence to a life of faith was marked by introspection and humility, providing a powerful example of growth through struggle. It’s uncomfortable, messy, and often runs counter to everything we’re taught in the age of individualism and instant gratification.

One of Brooks' key insights is the contrast between the "Big Me" and the "Little Me." The "Big Me" represents the self-centered, outward-facing persona, constantly seeking validation and recognition. The "Little Me" is more self-effacing, seeking a sense of purpose in serving others. This struck me personally because, while we all strive for accolades, there's a deeper calling—especially relevant today—to find purpose in what we offer to our community, our family, and even the small, seemingly invisible moments of kindness that build up the essence of our character.

This made me reflect on my own journey, particularly how I approached leadership throughout my career. When I first started my company, I often felt like an imposter—especially being so young and working in a foreign country. I found myself sitting across the table from CEOs, CMOs, and even government ministers, all representing their entities, while I represented mine. It was daunting—especially because I was often the youngest in the room and in a foreign country where I had to quickly learn cultural nuances and prove my worth. Imposter syndrome often kicked in, and I questioned whether I belonged. But these early challenges taught me resilience and the importance of believing in my capabilities even when I felt out of place. While climbing the corporate ladder, there were times when it felt easier to focus on ticking off accomplishments. Yet, the moments that stood out, where I genuinely felt a connection to those I led, were never about the external rewards. They were about patience, teaching, uplifting others—the "Little Me" moments. And Brooks reminds us that these are the real victories.

The Humility Code: A Guide for a Better Self

In the final chapter, Brooks shares a fifteen-point Humility Code—a set of principles that serve as a guide for building a life of character. This part of the book was a standout for me, and I feel it's worth unpacking some of these principles, which are organized into themes:

Think "We" Instead of "Me"

  1. Understand that we are naturally selfish and self-centered. We must combat the urge to act selfishly, which requires eternal vigilance because this trait is deeply ingrained in our nature.
  2. Don’t pursue temporal happiness. Seek moral goodness instead, and happiness will follow. True joy comes from living a life of virtue rather than pursuing material pleasures or external accolades.
  3. Choose a vocation that serves a greater good. Avoid the popular advice to "follow your passion" if it only serves yourself. Instead, put your skills to use to benefit your community.

Crush Your Pride and Admit to Your Flaws

  1. Humility is key to overcoming human weaknesses. We must own our flaws and imperfections rather than convincing ourselves that we’re fine as we are. Self-improvement requires honesty about our limitations.
  2. Diminish your ego. Practice restraint in celebrating your achievements. Let go of the need to announce everything you do. Joy comes not from convincing others of your greatness but from celebrating the victories of others.
  3. Pride is our downfall. It blinds us to our flaws and keeps us from becoming better. True growth comes only when we eliminate pride and see ourselves clearly.
  4. You don’t know as much as you think you do. The humble person recognizes that they are limited in understanding, and that wisdom is something earned through experience and learning, not assumed.

Engage Fully in Your Moral Struggle

  1. Battle your flaws with persistence. We are all flawed, but we also have the capacity to rise above our weaknesses. Engaging in this struggle gives meaning to life and strengthens character.
  2. Character is built through self-discipline. Developing character requires deliberate, repeated moral choices each day. The more consistently we practice good choices, the stronger our character becomes.
  3. Commit to the long-term over short-term desires. Avoid the temptation of instant gratification. Instead, focus on the rewards that come from living a morally sound life over the long haul.
  4. Maturity requires no fanfare. True character does not need applause. When we conquer our weaknesses, we find a maturity that brings inner peace, regardless of external recognition.

Seek Help from Others and from Grace

  1. You can’t build character alone. Support from friends, family, and faith is essential. It is through others that we can truly see ourselves and find the strength to grow.
  2. Surrender to grace. Life is full of setbacks, and the journey toward character will involve failures. When we falter, we must embrace grace—accept our imperfections, and find solace in the love and support around us.

Be a Moderate, Incremental Leader

  1. Lead with balance. True leaders do not aim for quick, headline-grabbing changes. Instead, they make thoughtful, gradual shifts that allow others to adapt and grow.
  2. Small shifts lead to great changes. Brooks argues that the best leaders do not seek to revolutionize overnight, but to foster a culture of continuous, incremental improvement. For example, leaders like Mahatma Gandhi embodied this approach by focusing on small, steady acts of nonviolent resistance that collectively led to significant social change. His emphasis on incremental progress serves as a powerful reminder that enduring change often requires patience and persistence.

These principles from the Humility Code provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to live a meaningful life. They emphasize growth through struggle, honesty about our limitations, and the importance of community and grace.

The Humility Code reminded me of moments in my life when I found humility—not because I wanted it, but because I needed it. As a leader, celebrating the growth of others and uplifting my team felt like far greater victories than any personal milestone. And as a parent, teaching my children that failing is part of life, and that humility and persistence are what help us grow, echoes Brooks' lessons profoundly.

Character Isn’t Built Overnight—And That’s The Point

One of the biggest takeaways for me was the idea that character is built not through a set of achievements, but through an ongoing journey. There's no checklist for becoming a good person—instead, it's about continuously striving, failing, and picking yourself back up. We grow in character when we admit our flaws, wrestle with them, and make deliberate choices to live by our values.

It’s not an easy message. But it’s real. It’s the kind of message that serves as a reminder when I wake up at 5 am for a run, fighting the urge to snooze my alarm. It’s not about the run; it’s about the discipline, the commitment to follow through on the small promises I make to myself. It’s about modeling that discipline for my children and showing them that effort is what shapes us, not perfection.

Why You Should Read This Book

The Road to Character is not a self-help book in the traditional sense—it doesn’t offer a formula for happiness or success. What it does provide is something far more valuable: perspective. It encourages readers to dig deeper, to see their shortcomings not as setbacks but as opportunities to build a more meaningful life. Brooks shares stories of individuals who struggled, and in that struggle, found a kind of grace that couldn’t be bought with accolades or external success.

If you've ever questioned the value of success or felt there’s more to life than just achievements, Brooks’ book is for you. It’s a humbling reminder that greatness isn’t about the awards on the shelf, but about the person we become along the way—the person we are when no one else is watching.

Final Thoughts: Building Our Own Road

To build character is to take the long road. It means choosing depth over superficiality, relationships over ego, humility over self-glorification. And that’s what makes The Road to Character such an impactful read—it's not afraid to point out that the road isn't smooth or glamorous. Instead, it’s honest. It speaks of struggle, of resilience, and of how each of us, in our own small way, can become a little less about "Big Me" and a little more about the quiet, humble virtues that actually shape the world around us.

I close with a reflection: As we pursue our successes, let's not forget to build something worth remembering in our eulogies. Character is that road less traveled, the one that asks us to be good, to lift others, and to live with grace—not for recognition, but for something far more enduring.